I was privileged to receive a copy of an email from a young man who wrote such an elegant letter to Governor Romney, that I asked his permission to reprint it on my website. He said he would be honored, and requested anonymity. His identity is not relevant, but his message is one that I felt compelled to share, and one that I thought my readers would enjoy. I hope that you do.
Dear Governor Romney,
I have been strongly considering giving you my vote this November (and still may) but I was very hurt and offended by one of your comments recently:
“To say that marriage is something other than the relationship between a man and woman, I think, is a mistake,” Romney said. “And, the reason for that is not that we want to discriminate against people or to suggest that gay couples can’t also raise children well. But, it is instead a recognition that, for society as a whole, that the nation presumably will be better off if children are raised in a setting where there is a male and a female.”
Now please allow me to say that as a gay man, I do not dismiss the views and arguments given by those who are against gay marriage. I do not agree with their position but I believe in respecting the viewpoints of all who do the same and are open to dialogue and discussion. However, I feel that while you preface your stance as being one that is not meant to diminish the ability of gay couples to raise children, your final statement is a complete contradiction.
I am currently 25 years old, have a B.A. in Economics and English Literature from an ivy league college, and I am pursuing an M.A. in Economics from a Florida University – all while working full time as a high school math instructor. My partner, with whom I have been in a committed and monogamous relationship with for four years (during the ages where a large population of our peers, gay or straight, are characterized as engaging in immature and unfavorable behaviors) will begin law school this fall, and when he has completed the program and begins work as an attorney, we plan to start a family.
While I respect your right to forge opinions on any issue, including gay marriage, I hope you can see why your assertion that “for society as a whole, the nation presumably will be better off if children are raised in a setting where there is a male and a female,” is so hurtful. Furthermore, I do not believe this unnecessary, in my opinion, expansion of your stance on same-sex marriage, in which you prescribe what is best for “society as a whole,” has any place in your campaign for the White House, when this country so desperately needs your expertise on how to improve the economy.
I truly hope that my message reaches you, Governor Romney, and that you consider what I have said. I recently affiliated myself with the Republican party after years of reluctance based on its reputation for being discriminatory to the homosexual community. I only recently had a change of heart, which can be attributed to my belief in the party’s fiscal policies. My decision was also partly based on my belief that your candidacy would make this election more about the issues that are crucial to our nation’s stability and not about pandering to the outdated and discriminatory moral judgements of the social conservatives who continue to become more and more of a minority group within the party.
Thank you for your time and, hopefully, your consideration of the points I addressed.
Sincerely,
An American Voter
It may be hurtful to say it but it may be true that for a nation (and for children) its better if children are raised in a setting where there is a male and a female. That may be an inconvenient truth. Gay people raising children is a new thing and we just don’t know the consequences. How would we know?
I have no strong opinion on it or on gay marriage. What I do see is that the people who promote gay marriage in our society are amazingly oblivious to the fact that straight marriage is the-opposite-of-promoted. Lots of movies and TV shows where attractive young couples live together; that has an impact. The general promotion of how “hot” young women are supposed to be. The promotion of ridiculously overblown weddings makes marriage look distasteful. The teen moms on MTV.
My daughter is 25 and she’s noticed that young straight men actually use that silly Brad Pitt dodge from a few years back that they “can’t” or “won’t” consider marriage while there are people (gay people) who aren’t allowed to marry!
Gay activists have a lot of clout in the media and its a great opportunity: promote marriage for everyone, promote the idea that marriage is good for people. Its the truth, especially for men.
Karen, of course I respect your opinion and will defend your right to have it. I would, however, respectfully disagree that only a two, opposite-sex parent household is ideal to raise children. I personally know quite a few married couples who had no business becoming parents and have raised monsters. I also know several gay couples who are in committed relationships and who would make terrific parents. The young man who wrote this letter and his partner are one such couple. He is also in no way a “gay activist,” or any type of activist whatsoever. He simply has a desire to be the best possible person, partner and parent he can, and to make a difference in this world. No more, no less.
Speaking of heterosexual parenting, just yesterday someone posted a comment on the NMBPD Press Release I published back in February (https://www.votersopinion.com/?p=3337) about the 14 year old career criminal who was caught. That person wrote:
“Albert is not illegal, he was born here in the states and unfortunately the school system from day 1 failed him… He is ESE, doesn’t take his medications and no one at home guiding him in the right direction. At the end of the day, you need realize that this is a cry out for help and he needs assistance… Calling him a punk is not going to make the situation any better.”
Cry for help? By committing 13 crimes in 13 months? That’s some cry! I just had to respond with:
“I never said he was illegal. I also confirmed that with the police department because someone else asked. I didn’t even think about it.
I am troubled by a couple things you wrote. First you blamed the school system and claim it “failed from day 1.” Sorry, I do not buy that. Parents who are responsible and involved in their kids’ lives don’t allow “the school system” to fail. My kids have had less than desirable teachers and I went to the school, met with the teacher and the administrators and made sure the issues were resolved. Trust me, they were. Even a special needs child can get assistance IF the parent asks and follows up to make sure the child is being served appropriately. The KEY word here is “PARENT.” you mentioned that no one is home “guiding him.” Well, why not? Where are his parents? Who has a kid and expects no one to raise him? More importantly, why do you or his parents think it’s the job of the “school system” to raise the kid?
I’m sorry, but if anyone failed Albert “from day 1,” it was his parents. He was a statistic long before his very first day of school. Because his parents failed miserably at the most important job in their lives, we as a society are paying the price for their stupidity in procreating without any clue what to do after the orgasm is over. Unprotected sex usually leads to spawning. Even animals know how to protect their young. Humans have no excuse.”
In other words, merely being a heterosexual doesn’t qualify one for being a good parent.
Just saying.
Stephanie,
I don’t disagree with you one bit. I don’t know whether the nation (or children or both) are better off if children grow up in a male female household. I don’t think there is a way to know and I’m not sure it matters. Who lives his/her life according to whats better for the nation? Good people try to do the best they can, especially if they’re raising children.
So, I’d put Gov. Romney’s belief about raising children in a male/female household in the same category as his belief about gay marriage. Its his opinion and shouldn’t cause anyone to feel hurt. He’s a devout Mormon and probably thinks thats the one true faith but no one asks politicians that question, for all the prayer breakfasts and bowing to “people of faith.”
Regarding gay activists, I have nothing against them, but just think they are missing a huge opportunity by not pushing marriage for everyone. A lot of us with daughters would love to see that message in the culture and we sure do notice how the culture undermines and demeans women and the natural desire of women for marriage.
I believe that what this young man is seeking, together with thousands of other human beings both gay and straight, is not more marriage incidence, but rather less marriage discrimination. When the right to marry is unavailable to any two consenting adults, such as it was for interracial couples until 1967, not only is the validity of their commitment diminished in the eyes of society, but they miss out on over 1,100 Federal rights and protections. Things that you may take for granted such as filing your taxes jointly with your spouse, receiving your spouse’s Social Security benefits after his or her death, and receiving equal health and pension benefits can never exist for those who are not allowed to marry under the law. While I totally agree with you that the importance of marriage in the eyes of many has been diminished, and more should be done to reinforce it, at least they still have the right and the choice. And neither their Federal right or their personal choice will be affected by this young man’s dream.