Some crimes are so brilliantly masterminded I can’t help but wonder how financially successful the perpetrators would be if only they’d channel their energies into legal ventures instead. Most criminals, however, are just plain stupid. The fact that they almost always get caught, only proves that theory.
As a case in point, CBS Miami reported yesterday that a 24 year old serial armed robber turned down an offered plea to do 15 years, only to be slapped with three life terms in the hoosegow for his stubborn refusal to deal. Along with continuing his crime spree while on probation and using a false name while arrested yet again, deciding to go to trial instead of taking the deal was not one of his best decisions.
I’d love to say that Breon Davis will go down in history as one of the dumbest criminals in South Florida, but sadly, there are plenty more where he came from. From the archives of the Random Pixels Blog comes Kurt James, a bona fide member of the RP Losers Corner. In his infinite wisdom, Mr. James decided to represent himself in his carjacking and armed robbery trial. I should say his botched carjacking, because according to Channel 10 reporter John Turchin (as quoted in Random Pixels), James and his peeps “tried to steal the man’s Mercedes but were unable to figure out how to get it in gear.”
I could not top that even if I tried. Suffice it to say that both Breon Davis and Kurt James deserve nominations for the 2013 Darwin Awards.
Not all idiots turn to a life of crime. Some run for public office. (Although it could be argued that the word “politician” is often synonymous with “felon.”) Some of them also try to be City Managers, which sometimes leads to Epic Failure. Here’s an example from the “Mac Serda, THIS is How You Do It” files:
As NBC Miami reported last night, there was another shooting in Now More Beautiful (a/k/a North Miami Beach). At 7:53 p.m., NMB police found a man shot dead in his car and they’re now looking for leads.
I’m told that brand new North Miami Beach City Manager Ana Garcia sent an email to the Mayor and Council advising them of this crime at 9:08 P.M., way less that two hours after it was discovered by the police. Way less!
This was a far cry from the more than two DAYS it took for then Interim City Manager Mac Serda to advise Mayor and Council of an armed robbery that occurred on August 24, 2013 at approximately 2:30 A.M. According to an email I received via public records request, Mac notified his bosses on August 26, 2013 at 5:53 P.M. – more than 63 hours after the fact.
Note to Mac Serda: If you ever want to make that leap from “Assistant” to “Permanent” …
Then again, misappropriating six figures of LETF funds didn’t exactly help, either. Just saying.
Whether idiots commit armed robbery, run for office, or manage a city, I’ve always firmly believed that stupidity should be a crime, punishable by sterilization.
Anyway you look at it, it’s criminal!
“Spreading the Wealth”