Shwing!!

Anyone driving down Biscayne Boulevard in the vicinity of 174th Street in North Miami Beach will notice a new business proudly calling itself “Swinging Richards.”  I first heard about this place about a week ago when an article appeared in my google alerts entitled, “Nightlife:  Just a Swingin’ in the Wind” (http://www.southfloridagaynews.com/arts-and-entertainment/event-calendar/4864-nightlife-just-a-swingin-in-the-wind.html).  I quickly scanned the article without really delving into the details, thinking that a nightclub geared to the gay community was a great idea.  Then I got to the part that said, “The morality police must be just a little more relaxed in North Miami Beach because we hear the dancers there will be able to bare all.”  That’s when it hit me that it was not just a night club, but a strip club!  DUH!  The name “Swinging Richards” took on a whole new meaning.

Now, I am not a member of the “morality police.”  I have absolutely no interest in running the lives of other people or sticking my nose into their bedrooms.  I also don’t judge how someone makes a living, as long as it’s legal, because we all have to pay our bills somehow.  In my opinion, a gay strip club isn’t any different from a “hetero” strip club because, well, naked is naked no matter who’s taking their clothes off.  So this is NOT an issue of homophobia whatsoever.  And if you’re a homophobe, please keep it to yourself, thank you very much.

What does concern me personally is the fact that North Miami Beach is home to strip clubs at all in the first place.  Again, this has nothing to do with any “morality” issues.  It’s all about image.  There are certain types of businesses that I believe reflect on the caliber of the community I would like to call home.  I would personally like to see North Miami Beach cleaned up of places such as tattoo parlors, pawn shops, XXX video stores, palm readers, and the like.  To me, these types of establishments do nothing to help promote an upscale, family oriented community.  I’m just saying.

A fellow resident called me this morning and asked me to contact NBC Miami reporter Willard Shepard, who wanted to interview residents about Swinging Richards.  He came to my office for the interview, which is posted here: http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/North-Miami-Beach-Residents-Upsets-Over-Strip-Club-Name-133397823.html.

Unfortunately, he didn’t air certain parts of my interview that I felt were important.  For example, I asked him why the media was all of a sudden interested in this particular strip club, when many residents had been complaining about them for years.  I specifically wanted to know if it was because it was a gay club.  He replied that the name of the business is what got the media’s attention.

Ah, yes.  “Swinging Richards.”  When you think about it, could any name be more graphic?  May as well have called it “Dangling D…”  Oh, never mind.

If you’re driving past a business called “Solid Gold” or “Diamond’s” for example, I bet the first thing that doesn’t come to mind is, “Oh, boy!  Titty Bar!”  Most people think “Hmmm.  Jewelry.”  (Well, at least that’s what women think anyway.)  Those who know these places are strip clubs, and those who frequent such places, are probably happy that the names of these clubs are discreet.

But, “Swinging Richards?”  C’mon, people.  There’s no doubt what that’s supposed to mean.

If this wasn’t the real name of a real business it would actually be quite comical.  Even cartoon-like.  I can just picture Homer Simpson lurking outside Swinging Richards to see if any of his friends and neighbors were secretly gay.  D’OH!

 

Here in the real world, calling a male strip club “Swinging Richards” is just tacky.  I don’t know any gay men who would be caught dead walking into a place called “Swinging Richards.”

As much as I’d like to see North Miami Beach improve its image by getting rid of all the strip clubs, and start attracting respectable establishments like hotels and upscale stores, I realize that these strip clubs are going to be around for a while.  If they’re legitimate businesses and they pay their business taxes, we’re pretty much stuck with them.

But, seriously, I certainly hope the owners of Swinging Richards consider changing its cringe inducing name.

North Miami Beach has enough image problems to contend with.  C’mon people, give us a break!

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”

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8 thoughts on “Shwing!!

  1. This city will never be an “upscale” community. Who you kidding? Unlike the Mayor, at least these establishments pay their taxes.

    1. Oh, yeeeeeeah! I should have known this story would elicit comments from the peanut gallery, a/k/a NMB’s “finest.” When Willard Shepard noted that this club will provide more off-duty jobs for the cops, that was a dead giveaway. Funny thing, after the story ran one of my sons texted me, “Off duty jobs? As strippers?” I’m pretty sure he was joking, but ya know…this could be a whole new career opportunity for some of you guys once your golden parachutes are gone. I’m just saying.

      BTW, you must have missed your turn on your way to the LeoAffairs website. You were supposed to turn LEFT at the light, not right. Better double back and start over.

      1. “BTW, you must have missed your turn on your way to the LeoAffairs website. You were supposed to turn LEFT at the light, not right. Better double back and start over.”

        FOOMCL…that’s why I keep reading this blog, my terrible sense of direction! 🙂

        1. I’m glad you have a terrible sense of direction. Everyone is welcome as long as they leave their pacifiers at home. Unless, of course, you have an uncontrollable addiction to the color yellow. In that case, binkies are mandatory!

    2. Just for the record, the Mayor’s taxes are all paid, so you can stop using this “red herring” distraction to divert attention to the real problems impacting the city, such as the over the top salaries and pensions draining our coffers. You must be one of those employees who don’t even live in NMB and who think it’s perfectly fine to haul away a fortune from our city and spend it in Pembroke Pines or wherever you live. Feel free to criticize the Mayor all you want, but the truth is he and the city manager and the four intelligent members of the council (Vallejo, Spiegel, Kramer and Martel) are FINALLY bringing some fiscal sanity to a city long due for major reform. They are looking out for the best interests of the TAXPAYING RESIDENTS AND BUSINESS OWNERS, which is exactly what they should have been doing all along. It’s about freaking time!

    1. This website is an adult forum for the residents of North Miami Beach. It is not the appropriate venue for high school students who cannot engage in grown up discussion. I got tired of babysitting them and fending off their childish attacks. Therefore, I disabled those columns for now.

  2. There’s a band called “The Swingin’ Richards” that does jazz and old 50s-style stuff, so that was the first thing I thought of when I saw the name.
    I really don’t see how the name is any worse than Hooters, and their logo actually makes a pair of breasts with the double-o’s. I’ve always been amazed they get away with that.
    The whole “think of the children” thing is a goof, though, because a lot of adults need somebody to explain it.

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