For those of you who are leery of the fact that I am a Republican, I thought I’d try to give you a better idea of my personal political beliefs. You’ll find I’m not so scary after all. I realize that Republicans are continuously bashed by the liberal media and the ladies on The View. But, in case you haven’t had the opportunity to actually talk to a real, live Republican and form your own opinion, let me first smash any preconceived notions you may have about those of us who like elephants on our bumper stickers.
First of all, notice how I called this column, “In Defense of GOP PRINCIPLES” and not “In Defense of the GOP.” These days, the Republican Party is doing about as well as the Other Party in terms of getting their respective acts together. There are good and bad things about both parties, and neither one is perfect. For every Nancy Pelosi in Congress, there’s a John McCain. Like I said, neither party is perfect. But the main problem with both the Republican and the Democratic Parties is that they let politicians join. That’s where the trouble starts.
By GOP Principals, I am really talking about only three simple things: Smaller government, less taxes, more personal freedom.
That’s it. The whole enchilada.
But because politicians have taken over the party, they’ve really made a mess of things. They decided to fix what wasn’t broken.
The main problem with GOP politicians is that they forgot what “more personal freedom” means. Now this is only my opinion, but when Republicans started legislating “morality” that’s when the trouble started. A perfect example is the Defense of Marriage Act, which was signed into law in 1996 by President Bill Clinton, ironically, a Democrat. According to Wikipedia, ” The law passed both houses of Congress by large majorities. Section 3, which prevents the federal government from recognizing the validity of same-sex marriages, has been found unconstitutional in two Massachusetts court cases and by the Obama administration. However, the court ruling is currently under appeal.”
So now the Democrats are trying overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, while the Republicans are frantically trying to keep it on the books. Personally, I think it’s a ridiculous law to begin with and that the Federal government should have stayed out of the marriage business altogether. Doesn’t it have enough to worry about, what with three wars and an looming economic disaster? I’m just saying.
The reason that supporters are giving for “defending marriage” is because the bible says marriage should only be between one man and one woman. The bible also states that you can stone your mother-in-law to death if she annoys you, but I’m guessing quoting scripture won’t make a great defense in a court of law. People I’ve spoken with who believe that marriage is strictly a religiously sanctioned institution, bristle at the thought of calling a gay union a “marriage.” Okay, so call it something else then. Call it a “civil union.” Or call it whatever. Personally, I think it’s just semantics. Although you have to admit it doesn’t sound all that romantic when you pop the question by saying, “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you in civil unionized bliss.” I’m just saying.
These people also claim that if you don’t specify exactly who can enter into the State of Holy Matrimony, you run the risk of legalizing polygamy, or that some sex crazed crack addict will be allowed to marry his car. Puh-LEEZE! Most men think that one wife is more than enough, thank you very much. Ditto for women and husbands. I have to admit, though, some men really love their cars. I’m just saying.
In my opinion, I think the main reason some of these folks want this law maintained is because they’re homophobes. I’m talking about the ones who will insist that they can “cure” you of being gay. I’d like to cure them of being stupid, but unfortunately that’s also genetic.
Bottom line, your love life is none of my business. And it shouldn’t be the government’s, either.
I don’t care who you marry as long as I don’t have to wear a bridesmaid’s dress. Those things are UGLEEEE! If you do marry your car, however, please let me know how that works out for you. That would make a great story!
Another hot button issue for many Republicans is abortion. Far too many people think that all Evil Republicans are hard core, abortion clinic bombing, right-to-lifers. My own father, upon hearing the news that I switched parties (who probably would have preferred hearing that I was a lesbian), blurted out, “Oh no now you’re going to overturn Roe v. Wade and force women to have babies they don’t want or force them to have back alley abortions by butchers where they’ll bleed to death unless they can afford to fly to Puerto Rico and have real doctor do it!”
I swear he said this in one breath. I should have just reassured him and told him I was kidding and that I was really a lesbian, not a Republican. But I couldn’t lie to my father. I had to admit, “Dad, the truth is that I really am a Republican and, sorry, dad, still hetero. But, if either one changes you’ll be the first to know.”
Now, I’d love for there to be no need for women to have abortions. It’s probably one of the most heart wrenching decisions a woman will ever have to make. Unfortunately, there are unwanted pregnancies and no matter how much we try to educate teenagers about birth control, boys (and girls) will be boys (and girls). (And, no, despite the dire warnings of some “moralists,” teaching sex education and birth control to teenagers will not cause them to go on an orgiastic rampage. They tend to do this with or without our help anyway. Better to prepare them beforehand.) Then there are the devastating cases of incest and rape. Then there are those women who, for whatever reason, just don’t want a child, and pregnancy is not an option.
Again, none of my business. And, in my opinion, it shouldn’t be the government’s business, either.
I know plenty of Republicans who are both fiscally and socially conservative. I also happen to know Democrats who are even more “socially” conservative than I am, but are just as fiscally conservative. Personally, I probably have a lot more in common with Libertarians than Republicans, except for that whole not supporting Israel thing. (Yeah, I’m a flaming Zionist, too.) The beauty of it all is that there is no one-size-fits-all political party.
I can find plenty in common with just about everyone, except those tax-and-spend socialist liberals whose ideology goes against every fiber of my being. I’m sorry, but I’m an ardent capitalist, and I just can’t stand hearing the lament that people have too much money. This is America, folks! We have the right to go into business and make as much damn money as we want. If you want to start a company, become successful and make a bazillion dollars, go for it! If your goal is to be a struggling artist, waiting tables while waiting for your big break, knock yourself out. I’m all for people following their own American dreams. Just do it on your own dime.
So, there you have it, folks. I’m a raging, hard core, freedom loving Republican, who wants a smaller government that will keep its hands off our bodies and its nose out of our bedrooms. All I really want the Federal government to do is protect our borders and build interstate expressways. Beyond that, the individual states should be given free reign to govern their respective populaces. To me, it’s just basic common sense.
We may not all be on the same page politically on various issues. But, if you’re looking for an open and transparent government, fiscal accountability, and end to government corruption, then you’re invited to officially caucus with the Steph Party.
As the head of this Party, all I ask is that you drink and budget responsibly.
“Spreading the Wealth”