Larry Juriga always wanted to be a cop. After all, his daddy was a cop. His uncle was a cop. And besides, he couldn’t cut it on the gridiron. Or pretty much anywhere else. So the dumb jock quit Parks & Rec, put away his football helmet, and joined the NMPD family business where he could still tackle someone to the ground every once in a while.
It didn’t take long for Larry Juriga’s white privilege, not to mention his family name, to allow him to rapidly move up the food chain at the North Miami Police Department. He was appointed as Assistant Chief after only 16 years as a cop, but then hit the proverbial glass ceiling. Since he was so used to having undeserved promotions being handed to him, and even though he wasn’t even remotely qualified for the position (after all, he failed his Lieutenant’s exam, but was promoted anyway), he actually believed he was entitled to be the Chief of Police.
After five years as Assistant Chief, a frustrated Juriga decided it was time for drastic measures. On July 6, 2015, he filed a discrimination complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, hilariously claiming that he has been “marginalized” for being white. Juriga whined to the EEOC that he had been twice been “passed over” for promotion to chief in favor of a “black assistant chief” (Stephen Johnson), and then a second time by a “Haitian-American” (Marc Elias).
When the incompetent Leonard “Chief Lenny” Burgess was forced to resign in 2016, Larry Juriga believed the Holy Grail was finally within his reach. He had to be positively furious when, two months later, he watched the appointment and swearing in of yet another Haitian-American as Chief of Police, Gary Eugene. Continue reading