OMG! There really is a Village Idiot!

Biscayne Village Commissioner Bryan Cooper…And his name is Bryan Cooper.

From the Village that brought you our newly hired City Manager, comes a politician almost as despicable and loathed as Myron.  Almost, but not quite.  Not yet, anyway.

It has come to my attention that Biscayne Park Commissioner Cooper is sponsoring Resolution 2013-39 to be voted on at the Village’s Regular Commission Meeting on Tuesday, September 10, 2013, which reads:

Resolution 2013-39A

RESOLUTION OF THE MAYOR AND COMMISSION OF THE VILLAGE OF BISCAYNE PARK, FLORIDA, VOICING SUPPORT FOR NORTH MIAMI BEACH AND MIAMI-DADE COUNTY RESIDENTS WHO OPPOSE RECENT REZONING AND PLANNED DEVELOPMENTS ADJACENT TO BEAUTIFUL AND HISTORIC GREYNOLDS PARK, AND THE RESULTING IMMEDIATE THREAT OF TEN TO FIFTEEN STORY BUILDINGS IMPACTING SINGLE FAMILY RESIDENCES NEAR THE PARK; AND THE BLOCKING OF SUNLIGHT AND OTHER NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACTS UPON THE PARK ENVIRONMENT, USERS OF THE PARK AND NEARBY RESIDENTS; PROVIDING FOR AN EFFECTIVE DATE

(Sponsored by Commissioner Cooper)

For starters, I’d love to know what business it is of the Biscayne Park Village Commission what North Miami Beach does about its zoning and rezoning.  We don’t even share a border with Biscayne Park.  (Another thing to be grateful to North Miami for – it’s a buffer zone between us and the Village.  And by extension, its Idiot.)  Commissioner Cooper is apparently jumping on the Save Greynolds Park bandwagon.  Why he’s doing this escapes me.

My curiosity led me to do some research on Bryan Cooper to see if there is some connection between him and NMB.  Other than the fact he seems to be cut from the same mold as our EX-mayor Myron Rosner, I could find none.  I did dig up some useful information, however, and thought I’d share them with you.

The Biscayne Park blogger (every city needs one!) known as A Village Voice, seems to have Cooper’s number.  A column from December 16, 2011 is devoted almost entirely to describing the Commissioner’s behavior, both on and off the dais.  I love this passage:

“Cooper was also more combative with the Commission and the neighborhood. He tended to blame and accuse on a more or less regular basis, and he has been prone to wanting investigations of the behavior of others. On one occasion, he demanded an investigation of the Manager, didn’t mind spending $5000 on this investigation, and when the investigation concluded that he was the problem, he wanted the report vacated. He has since suggested another investigation of the Manager. So he wastes Village money on empty campaigns. He also takes leading responsibility for extra legal consultation for the Village, so he has handed us inflated legal fees.”

I dare anyone in North Miami Beach to say he’s not Myron’s Mini Me!

If you believe the blogger’s account, and I have no reason not to, Biscayne Park Commissioner Bryan Cooper sounds like a real schmuck.  I can totally picture this scenario:

“Cooper is quite regularly argumentative and rude in his dealings with his colleagues, overtalking, interrupting, provoking, and sometimes threatening. In his dealings with the public, he is likewise argumentative. He tends to be the only Commissioner who requests opportunities to debate his neighbors. In the last Commission meeting, he refused to answer a direct and simple question from one speaker, simply staring at her instead, and conspicuously ignored another, who pleaded with him to stop texting and pay attention to her while she was addressing the Commission. He eventually alleged that his activities with his cell phone represented doing “research,” and he still refused to do the speaker the courtesy of suspending whatever it was he was doing, so he could even appear to care what she was saying.”

A real charmer, huh?

The column goes on to say,  “Because of his persistent complaints that the Village, and the Commission, and the managerial staff, do not do as he personally would like them to, he has declared a strike against the Village and its residents, and he refuses to attend any community events.”  It sure seems that Cooper, much like Myron, is prone to temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.  I wonder if he’s sicced Code Enforcement on anyone yet?  If not, give him time.

In another column from February 12, 2013, the Village Voice discussed the contract renewal of their then (and now our) City Manager, Ana Garcia.  About the debate, the article states, “It was frankly a bit painful to see these decisions about the Village entrusted to Bryan Cooper, who doesn’t care about anyone or anything, and only wants to withhold and insult.”

Okay, so we totally get the picture now, right?  Commissioner Cooper is a real piece of work.

And now he’s coming after North Miami Beach with his ridiculous Resolution, “Voicing support for North Miami Beach and Miami-Dade County residents who oppose recent rezoning and planned developments adjacent to beautiful and historic Greynolds Park…”

In case he isn’t aware that his “support” of the No-Development Gang amounts to nothing more than meaningless bluster, I thought I’d take this opportunity to clue him in.

Dear Commissioner Cooper,

North Miami Beach is our city, not yours.  What we do within our borders is none of your business.  I strongly advise you to you keep your nose out of our city’s plans for future growth and development.  It’s quite apparent that you have your own problems to deal with, and unless you want me to start going through your closet looking for skeletons, I suggest you back off.

Should you manage to obtain a consensus for the passage of your ridiculous Resolution, which appears highly unlikely considering the Village voting record, it will mean absolutely nothing.  Our city will still move forward with its development and redevelopment plans, with or without comments from your peanut gallery.

Seems to me you’re still smarting over the fact that we lured Ana Garcia away from you.  Maybe you shouldn’t have been so stingy with her salary, Bryan.  Oh, well, you lose!

Up until now, I never paid Biscayne Park any mind.  I couldn’t have cared less about your Village.  Or its Idiot.  That’d be you, Bryan.

Unfortunately, your dumbass Resolution got my attention.  Bad move, Dude.  Trust me, you do not want to go there.  Just ask Myron, or even NMB councilcritter Frantz Pierre, if you don’t believe me.

Signed,

Your Worst Nightmare

Biscayne Park Commissioner Bryan Cooper, you have just been smacked by the Gadfly.  Consider this your warning shot.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”

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33 Comments

  1. Guest says:

    That is downright hysterical. This guy is a moron, he needs to mind his own business. I sure hope his constituents are watching so they can vote better next time. Idiot.

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  2. Larry Londecker says:

    Hey Cooper…..I’m a North Miami Beach resident and taxpayer and I WANT the hotel to be built so please propose a Resolution for the majorotiy of NMb residents like me who want to move our city forward and out of the slum and blight we presently have.

    If you had half a brain, you would view and aerial view of the Hotel site and you would see that it will have absolutely NO IMPACT on Greynolds Park, its flora or fauna or any single-family residences. The only impact will be that knuckleheads like you will have to move on to other non-issue issues to keep your name in the paper. Unfortunately for you, your name always appears under the “Village Idiot Comments” section and no one, not even your wife, pays any attention to you.

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  3. Veronica Village says:

    Are you serial? This has to be the wackiest whack I have heard of in a long time. While the Village of Biscayne Park is a quaint and quiet city, It does not have one commercial property in their teeny tiny 0.6 square miles. There mileage rate is through the roof, I think it’s the highest in MDC. Hey Cooper, how about dealing with that, than worrying about the business of North Miami Beach, you jerk, I mean idiot.

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  4. Fred Jonas says:

    Well, Steph, you’re not exactly subtle, but neither am I (www.biscayneparkfla.blogspot.com). Thanks for the quotes. There are many more where those came from.

    Your conceptualization is sadly right on the money. We can’t solve our own problems, largely because of Cooper and his pals, who create many of the problems of which he then complains, but he’s decided he should solve yours. But don’t feel singled out. About two years ago, he decided the Village of Biscayne Park should advise the City of Coral Gables how to deal with Matheson Hammock. The lad’s got vision. Sort of like people on LSD do.

    By the way, Steph, I pretty much never miss blogging a Biscayne Park Commission meeting. I’ll be away for the next meeting, Sept 10, and I would be honored if you would blog it for me. Just attend the meeting, and call it as you see it. The meetings aren’t any more subtle than you or I are. Tell me you’ll do it, and I’ll set you up as a guest author.

    Fred Jonas

    PS: We could not have kept Ana Garcia. She needed more challenge than we had for her. We didn’t have money enough to pay her. If we turned out to be a stepping stone for Ana, it was our honor to have provided the boost. Four great years. She is a gem, her loss to us is great, and as I said to one of your Councilpeople, if Ana can’t do it, it can’t be done. Enjoy her. She’s a delight.

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      Oh, jeez. I thought I was being subtle! I’ll have to work on that.

      I’d love to attend the Commission meeting! I’ve got more time on my hands now that I broke up with North Miami. Thanks for the invitation. I’m so honored that you asked. I’ll contact you by email for details.

      Keep up the great work with your blog. It looks like you have as much fun as I do! 🙂

      Steph

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      1. Milton Hunter says:

        And yes, for four years we have been burdened with Cooper’s ever present arrogance and mismanagement of his position. Perhaps Bryan is simply a renaissance man born out of his proper time. He would have been better served as an inquisitor instead of an elected public servant.

        But, the reality of the situation is that he has been a menace to progress and the wellbeing of the Village for far too long.

        Thankfully we will soon have the opportunity to make amends.

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  5. Chuck Ross says:

    Stephanie,

    You captured the character quite well but in order to truly appreciate Cooper you must witness him in person. Attend the next meeting on Tuesday Sept 10th if you get a chance. Meeting starts at 7:00pm.

    Chuck Ross

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      It looks like I will be attending after all. I look forward to meeting you!

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  6. Faith Full says:

    The Village of Biscayne Park is lucky to have Mr. Jonas, just like the City of NMB is lucky to have Mrs. Kienzle. Every city should have an intelligent, insightful and humorous (if possible) blogger. Nothing wrong with keeping the council on their toes and nothing wrong with level headed sense making comments by a citizen with chutzpah to enlighten the NMB residents.

    Our city is lucky to have acquired Ms. Garcia and we most certainly appreciate the fact that so many elected officials, staff and past staff that worked with her came to the ceremony to swear her in. I understand it was quite a crowd. It says a lot about her. Now if you could keep your nudnick commissioner out of our business we’d appreciate it. Just because she soared this way doesn’t mean he was invited too. You hear that Coop?

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  7. Fred Jonas says:

    PPS, Steph: No, Cooper has not sicced Code Compliance on anyone. Would it surprise you to learn that not only does Cooper think his Commission colleagues are criminals (he more or less openly accused them of it), that Ana Garcia was a criminal (he suspected kickbacks from FPL), that government is criminal, that corporations are criminal, and that I and others of his neighbors are criminal, but he also thinks the Code Compliance Officer is criminal? He accused a recent one of packing heat which he claimed she used to threaten or shake down residents.

    Further, Bryan is not smarting over the loss of Ana Garcia. He thinks it’s some sort of victory for Biscayne Park. You might imagine he was massively obese, considering how much of his time he spends being out to lunch.

    Fred Jonas

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      Oh, I can only imagine the fun I’d have with him if I covered BP on a regular basis. Paranoid people are the most fun to screw with. Imagine the possibilities…

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      1. Fred Jonas says:

        Imagine them? Steph, you don’t get it. I have to live them. Come Tuesday, and take your best shot. Jacobs and Watts are just as much “fun” as Cooper. Amuse yourself.

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        1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

          Idiots are always amusing. It should be big fun!

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  8. Fred Jonas says:

    Steph, to answer your opening question, it is not at all the business of the residents or the municipality of Biscayne Park what CNMB does with its land use. The vast majority of us know that and are fully appreciative of it. Your gripe is not with VBP. It is with Bryan Cooper and a couple of his closest friends. You should not in fact be “grateful” to CNM for buffering you from us. “We mean you no harm,” as the movie space aliens say. We are a wonderful and unique community, and you’d be a lot happier with us as neighbors than you are with CNM.

    “Veronica Village” makes some important points in her comments. The “wackiest whack,” of which there is one, is Bryan Cooper, and a couple of other people we haven’t discussed, not the Village of Biscayne Park. Veronica also points to our millage and our unique character, in having no commercial property (deep taxable pockets). The two facts go hand in hand. Because we don’t have commercial pockets, it is we, the property owners, ourselves, who provide our support. So yes, we have an unusually high millage. But most of us, except the wackier of the whacks, aren’t complaining about it, because we know what we’re getting for the money, we want it, and we like it.

    So “come on down” and visit. We’re low key, and we have lots of charm. You’d like us. Well, most of us.

    Fred (“The Village Voice” http://www.biscayneparkfla.blogspot.com)

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  9. Barbara Kuhl says:

    I hope you can make the Commission meeting. We’d love to have you cover the meeting for Fred. You do have to see it in person. It will give you new material for a year. You’re so lucky to have Ana.

    Barbara Kuhl

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  10. Kennedy Rosario says:

    As a former “monitor” of all the municipalities in question, I have come to the realization….wait for it…all should be un-incorporated. I know, sacrilege, but….the tax base would be less, the corruptible elected officials would be far less, etc. I know, who TF are you? Random thoughts of a troubled, how the hell can we fix this BS, mind.

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      Kennedy, you’re probably right. There would be less chance of corruption. On the flip side, though, the county government would be so big that it would have even more chances to screw up. There are pros and cons to both.

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    2. Fred Jonas says:

      Are you Kennedy Rosario, or are you Rosario Kennedy?

      In any event, here in Biscayne Park (yes, the Biscayne Park), we have had long had signs that say “Don’t Even Think About Speeding.” We’re like a speed trap that way. And we’re good for it. We have an avid police force, for which we pay, and if you speed here, you’ll hear about it. In an effort to consider cutting costs a few years ago, and some time before that, we considered “out-sourcing” the police to the County. We found out we’d pay more, get less police presence, and not intimidate speeders any more. So we decided to keep what we have, and be happy to pay (less!) for it.

      We could have unincorporated, at least with respect to the police, and we decided that the lower ad valorem rate wasn’t worth the loss of safety.

      Also, with eyes on the elected officials, at least in such a small municipality, there’s probably less chance for corruption here than there would be with the County.

      Fred

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  11. Janey Anderson says:

    Stephanie – ironically I was going to write and ask that you attend one of our meetings. You truly have to see the gang of 3 in action to fully appreciate what’s being done to our little village. How Ana put up with us for almost 4 years is a testament to her strength and determination. In interest of disclosure I am the spouse of one of the commissioners – Bob Anderson – who as anyone will tell you is about as mild mannered as they come – after almost 4 years of dealing with Cooper Bob was driven at the August commission meeting to call him an a–hole and tell him to shut up!

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      That sounds much like a North Miami meeting when Andre Pierre called Michael Blynn’s daughters prostitutes. We don’t have nearly as much fun at NMB council meetings. Darn!

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  12. Janey Anderson says:

    Stephanie – as they say “Come on Down” to our meetings. You won’t be disappointed! Believe me there was no one more shocked than I when Bob called Bryan an asshole but after years of Bryan’s vicious and slanderous attacks on anyone who doesn’t fall in lock step with him and obstructionist tactics enough is enough. If you want to really get a picture of the depth of Bryan’s paranoia go to the Biscayne Park website, under the calender of events, click on the commission meeting for this Tuesday and read item 13d. It will be good preparation for the meeting!

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  13. Will says:

    Good grief..13d is 37 pages long!

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      Will, thanks for bringing that to my attention. First of all, I fixed the link to the agenda, which I didn’t realize wasn’t working. Secondly, here is a link to 13d: http://www.biscayneparkfl.gov/vertical/sites/%7BD1E17BCD-1E01-4F7D-84CD-7CACF5F8DDEE%7D/uploads/Agenda_Item_13.d_Regular_Commission_Meeting_09_10_2013.pdf

      I am SPEECHLESS that a commissioner would include this BS in an Agenda! I have never seen anyone more full of himself. WOW!

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  14. NMBLady says:

    This is nothing but narcissism: Coopers issues, Coopers complaints, Coopers lawsuits. Yes, it does remind me of Myron. It’s all personal and was never about serving the city. It was always about having a captive audience to air his personal grievances.

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    1. Chuck Ross says:

      You captured the essence of Bryan Cooper to a T!

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  15. Janey Anderson says:

    Well sad to say the Village Idiot prevailed – he had no problem getting the other 2 to go along with him. There was an attorney and 2 other residents from NMB who came and all together and counting the time for the commissioners to speak this subject took about 45 mins of Biscayne Park meeting time with Biscayne Park tax payers footing the bill for our attorney who is at all meetings and paid by the hour while Bryan got to preen for his NMB fan club. And once again our actual agenda, where they are actually supposed to do work for Biscayne Park residents, didn’t get finished. It’s all about his own personal crusade for Bryan, no matter what it costs BP residents.

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    1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

      Janey, please tell me where the meeting was! I showed up at 640 NE 114 Street, and apparently I was not at the right place. Three other people (ironically, also not from BP, but apparently looking to going the NMB fan club) were also there and we all eventually left. I was very disappointed. I was also apparently in the wrong place.

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      1. Janey Anderson says:

        Bummer – we were all so hoping to see you there. You were actually at our Village Hall. Our meetings are held at our Recreation Center. It’s between NE 9 Ave and 9 Ct and NE 113 and 115 St. We have a budget hearing tonight that will also have several items left over from last nights agenda. If there is anyway you could come I am sure you won’t be dissappointed. If you need directions email me.

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        1. Stephanie Kienzle says:

          That actually sounds like fun! Much more so than my own council meeting. What time does the meeting start? Do you actually trust me to find it? I’m obviously much better with a GPS than I am at reading … the address of your meeting was posted right on your agenda. Yet somehow, I missed it.

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          1. Janey Anderson says:

            It starts at 6:30. I made a snide remark as I walked past one of the 3 who showed up last night that I want them to kick in to cover our attorney’s fees for the time their issue took up. Said the same thing as I walked past the idiot but he, having no moral compass, feels perfectly justified in taking a salary paid by tax payers of BP but only responding to those taxpayers who fall in lock step with him so he of course wouldn’t even look my way.

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  16. Stephanie Kienzle says:

    For the benefit of my readers, I am posting the Village Voice blog of September 7, 2013. Click here:
    http://www.biscayneparkfla.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-survivalist.html?m=1

    Great background on the Village Idiot!

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  17. […] Plus, thanks to certain Village Idiots, we’ve been known to cross paths with the Villages of Biscayne Park and North Bay Village, too.  We are all bound together whether we like it (or even want to […]

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  18. […] Village first got on our radar almost four years ago when then-Commissioner Bryan Cooper, a/k/a the Village Idiot, sponsored a resolution in an attempt to interfere with a rezoning issue in North Miami […]

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