I saw this cartoon on Facebook and LMAO! Don’t worry. This column is not going to be about man-made “global warming” or “climate change” or whatever phrase du jour the weather alarmists are using now, so don’t start gearing up for an argument with me about any of that nonsense.
When I was done laughing, though, it occurred to me that having an Irony Specialist Team here in North Miami Beach and North Miami would be extremely useful. There are certainly more than enough ironic situations for such a committee to investigate. So, in the interest of political entertainment, I created one and appointed myself the Chair. Feel free to submit an application if you’re interested in being considered for your own seat on the panel so you, too, can say “from my chair.” Just like Phyllis! 🙂
Since Irony was invented by Alanis Morrisette (hey, if Al Gore can claim the Internet…), the Irony Specialist Team’s first task was to study this chart:
The panel also was instructed on how to …
The Team was then equipped with a much needed …
Once the Team was fully trained and certified, they were good to go.
The Irony Specialist Team investigated a few incidents and came up with the following findings:
1. North Miami Beach Councilcritter Frantz Pierre voted “NO” on the Business Tax Receipt requests by the strip clubs Dean’s Gold and G5 when they came before the Council on September 24, 2013, but outdid his histrionic self when he desperately tried to convince his colleagues to approve the request by Black Diamonds on December 17, 2013. Because everyone knows the real reason for L’il Frantzie P’s about face on the strip club issue is because Black Diamonds promised him “Haitian jobs” in exchange for his vote. Although Frantzie’s performance was uber transparent, the Team nevertheless determined …
2. Former North Miami mayoral candidate Kevin Burns is still awaiting a decision by the Third District Court of Appeals in his lawsuit against Mayor Lucie Tondreau asserting that she did not meet the residency requirements to run for Mayor. The Irony Specialist Team found a blurb on Wikipedia, which cannot be confirmed since this is a “user content” website, but which states, “Upon filing a suit against the current mayor of North Miami it was discovered that Kevin Burns is actually a resident of Bal Harbour, not North Miami.” Team Irony giggled, then gave it Sarcasm Points but rated it “Very Low” on the Irony Scale.
3. Speaking of Kevin Burns, (and noting that hypocrisy is a form of irony), it’s common knowledge that he kvetched about Lucie’s being escorted by North Miami Police Officers during a security threat last September. A source inside the Police Department told VotersOpinion that when Burns was previously the Mayor of North Miami, he was frequently treated to “special” police services himself, including the demand that marked cruisers be stationed outside his home for security purposes when he was out of town. Another story related to me was the time Kevin was assigned a police escort to the airport. When they encountered heavy traffic, and the possibility of his missing the flight, he ordered the officer to “activate his emergency equipment” to part the sea of cars for him. Team Irony rated Kevin’s pot-meet-kettle bitching as …
4. Finally, as a reader brought up in my previous column, the Miami Herald reported that the North Miami Beach City Council will FINALLY consider enforcing its insanely lax Code to prohibit boat owners from parking their prized gondolas in their front yards. Many of these boats, especially in the Sunray area (where I reside and can personally attest to) are in disrepair. As Dear Reader points out, they “are the marine equivalent of junk cars; these boats have not moved for years, and are nothing but an eye-sore, lowering the value of other homes around them.” Ironically, many of those people who complain that our city looks like crap will most likely be the same ones bitching when Code Enforcement sets its sights on them. They want their neighborhoods to look good as long as it’s not at their own expense. The Irony Specialists determined …
It might be “slow times for news,” but now that we have our very own Team of Irony Specialists on the job, at least we’ll have something to talk about.
Now, what are you doing sitting here reading this blog when it’s PLAYOFF SEASON? Get outta here.
Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”
That brings back a memory – as my daughter loved to point out way back when that song came out — that’s not really (in italics) “irony” Ms. Morrisette is singing about. (but of course she made millions on the song defining it anyway she wanted and why spoil the party!) and you may want to investigate whether the current north miami mayor is still using north miami tax money for transport and accompaniment…. and I think I read it was not just mr burns making noise about that (wherever he lives, I cant really believe it would be BH but who knows. And of course two wrongs would not make a right… unless it is North Miami 🙂 ) Happy 2014 glad to see you are still blogging away. Look forward to the Irony Awards this year.
Kevin Burns lives in North Miami, which is why Team Irony giggled at the Wikipedia entry. The problem with Wiki is that users can edit the content, and therefore, it’s not always reliable. When I included it in the “irony report,” it was for a touch of humor. Hopefully no one else took that seriously since I’m 100% sure it’s not true.