Darwin Awards: There’s a contender born every minute.

Darwin contendersLadies and gentlemen, we have a brand new Darwin Award contender.  According to an NBC Miami article just posted, Hollywood Man Accidentally Shoots Himself in Buttocks, the contest for a 2014 winner is still wide open.

Before I read the article, I sat here scratching my head for a few minutes trying to figure out how on earth someone could actually shoot himself in the ass.

It’s entirely conceivable that someone can accidentally shoot himself in the knee.  Or the foot.  I’m a complete klutz, so I clearly understand the possibilities.

But it would take some serious talent, even for a contortionist, to actually shoot himself where the sun don’t shine.  Only a total loser could do that by chance.

As it turns out, it wasn’t quite as complicated as all that.  The man “in his 20s, was cleaning the .38 caliber handgun … when it dropped to the floor and discharged, hitting the man in the backside,” said Hollywood Police Lt. Derik Alexander.

Fortunately, the idiot won’t be charged with a crime.

Unfortunately, it’s perfectly legal to be a moron.

The young man, who so far remains nameless (for obvious reasons?), should consider himself lucky.  If the stray bullet had shot him a few inches in another direction, he might have forever lost his ability to contaminate the gene pool even further, thus depriving the world of his progeny.

And at least one or two future Darwin Award nominees.

Stephanie Kienzle
“Spreading the Wealth”


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  1. Kev Kienzle April 22, 2014 4:34 pm Reply

    If only congress would pass a law preventing people from shooting themselves in the buttocks, tragedies like this could be averted, which is what I’ll do with my eyes if the man with two *ssholes should ever limp passed me on the street.

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  2. Kevin Vericker April 22, 2014 4:42 pm Reply

    Where else would a dumbass shoot himself if not in the ass? Hehehe. Okay, I’ll get off the blog now.

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    • Stephanie Kienzle April 22, 2014 4:56 pm Reply

      You can stick around. There’s room for everyone. :-)

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  3. Michael J. Casey April 23, 2014 2:55 pm Reply

    Anyone who even contemplates cleaning a loaded gun should immediately receive at least a Darwin honorable mention. For Christs sake unload the damn thing before attempting this. It’s one of the first things taught in gun safety courses.

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